Uptown Bourgeois is an arts, news, and culture blog created by New York-based freelance writer Jefferey Spivey. UB explores universal themes through a black, queer lens. 

Penis Fashion

Attention, fellas.  Your penis is having the best fashion year ever. 

Apparently, men have been saddled with the sartorial discomfort of squished genitals for decades.  Finding a pair of pants or shorts that provides adequate room for our junk has proven to be a difficult task, and we apparently need new apparel advancements to walk and sit comfortably.

Birddogs has created a pair of shorts with a moisture wicking lining inside.  The purpose behind this is to go comfortably commando.  The shorts are even designed with a ball pouch for extra space in the front.  Mugsy Jeans were created to give men extra space in the crotch so we could wear slim-fitting jeans without twisting our balls in a denim chokehold. 

Is there really a market of men out there with genitals so huge they can’t find a pair of pants or shorts with enough space?  It just seems like an odd niche that isn’t totally necessary.  Maybe someone needs to create a sizing and brand guide to help guys find the right pair of shorts or jeans versus creating a brand new garment.

Most people already believe that men focus on nothing more than sex and our genitals most of the day anyway.  Why do we now need clothing that perpetuates that belief?  It all seems like some sort of weird frat boy approach to fashion. I don’t really think either brand is particularly stylish, and I don’t feel the urge to place the needs of my penis ahead of my fashion sense.  I think knowing my size and favorite brands is much more important.

One real problem concerning shorts and jeans for men is the lack of options for athletic men.  If you keep up with your squat routine, you might find it hard to pick out a pair of skinny jeans that fits around your buns of steel.  I don’t need more room in the crotch.  I need that everywhere else.  And I don’t want them to look like dad jeans.  This is a market in desperate need of advancement.  Fit men deserve to be in fashion too.

Take the focus away from the groin and get back to real, functional pieces that help keep athletic men in style.  The fashion world is not a frat house.

The Don Lemon Debate

I'm Not Your Girlfriend: The Gay Code Switch