Uptown Bourgeois is an art space for the creative works of freelance writer, editor, author, and content creator Jefferey Spivey.
Penis Fashion

Penis Fashion

mugsy jeans mens fashion

Attention, fellas. Your penis is having the best fashion year ever.  

For decades, men have been saddled with the sartorial discomfort of squished genitals.  A crossed leg or a brisk pace puts you at risk for injury—the type that’s embarrassing to talk about.  To make matters worse, finding a pair of pants or shorts that provides adequate room for our junk has proven to be a difficult task. But fear not—a new group of crotch-oriented designers have crafted new garments to help us walk, sit , andcross our legs comfortably.

Founded in 2014, Birddogs created a pair of shorts with a ball pouch. The pouch contours your balls instead of mashing them, leaving plenty of room for every “situation”.  Early articles about the shorts also touted a moisture wicking liner, which makes going commando an odor-free, and well-supported, affair.  Likewise, Mugsy Jeans were created to give men extra space in the crotch so we could wear slim-fitting jeans without twisting our balls in a denim chokehold.  

As a tall, athletic guy, I admit, it’s difficult to find shorts, jeans, chinos, and even sleeping shorts, that fit my legs, look stylish, and don’t squish my balls.  It makes sense that there’s a market of men out there who can’t find clothing that fits every part of them comfortably.  But creating a new category or building an entire brand around this one aspect seems risky.  In my experience, I’ve benefitted from reading sizing guides and learning which brands have the best fits for me.  I also understand my body type and what fits work best for it. While I admire both Birddogs and Mugsy Jeans for addressing a void in the men’s apparel market, I would also encourage guys not to skip their due diligence when it comes to buying pants.

And let’s face it, most people already think men spend most of the day thinking about sex, but those thoughts don’t occur as often as once believed.  Why create an entire niche that’s centered around our sex organs and perpetuates this misconception? It just makes us seem obsessed with what’s below the belt.  Crotch room matters, but not as much as proper sizing and fit.

Also, this type of clothing prioritizes comfort over style, which results in functional garments, but necessarily stylish ones.  If you’re a guy who loves Dior but you’re also looking for a little extra room down there, neither Birddogs nor Mugsy Jeans will suit your tastes.  

One real problem I’d like to see designers address is the lack of options for athletic men.  If you keep up with your squat routine, you might find it hard to pick out a pair of skinny jeans that fits around your buns of steel, your massive quads, your calves, or any body part below your waist, really.  The crotch isn’t the only place where more room is needed.  I need that everywhere else.  And I don’t want them to look like dad jeans.  This is a market in desperate need of advancement.  Fit men deserve to be in fashion, too.  Can someone tackle this issue instead?

Take the focus away from the groin and get back to real, functional, and fashionable pieces that help all men look great while staying comfortable.  Let’s cast a wider net that solves a bigger problem.  After all, the fashion world is not a frat house.

birddogs mens shorts

The Don Lemon Debate

I'm Not Your Girlfriend: The Gay Code Switch

I'm Not Your Girlfriend: The Gay Code Switch