Lucky enough for me, I'm returning to New York just in time for 2016's installment of Snowmageddon. While I recover from international jet lag, this snowstorm is the perfect excuse to stay inside all weekend and feel great about it. But if there's some emergency that pulls you outdoors in the madness, here are some essentials that you need on your side.
1. Long johns for reinforcement.
I know you're all tough guys. But once an icy wind gust barrels through you like a knife slicing through cheese, the chill is enough to turn you tough guys into shivering sissies. Long johns will be your best friend. Trust me on this one. They're multi-purpose: underwear, cold protection, and snuggle loungewear when you get home. Long johns are on your side so you can win in the fight against Mother Nature.
2. One of those tech-y umbrellas.
Whenever there's a windy winter storm, the city blocks look more like memorials for deceased umbrellas. Don't be one of those people foolishly rushing through the slushy streets with a tiny $5 umbrella from the drug store. It'll flip inside out one time and you're done. Invest a little more in a reinforced or unbreakable umbrella (about $80), and it'll be the last time you buy an umbrella. Unless you're one of those people who always loses them or trusts those public holding bins thinking another person won't steal your umbrella.
3. A weather-appropriate coat.
While you may love your wool coat, it will be a soggy mess after five minutes in a snowstorm. You need a parka or anything made by The North Face. While a lot of winter coats may not be waterproof, wearing a wool coat in a snowstorm is like walking around in a big bath towel. If you want to avoid drying your coat for the next five days, wear the right coat. Get something with insulation that helps absorb the precipitation but leaves you dry and mess-free.
4. Snow boots!
Every guy thinks he's the one that can navigate icy and snowy streets in a pair of Converse and not bust his ass. But none of us are stronger than gravity or common sense. It takes just as long to lace up a pair of snow boots as it does to tie a pair of sneakers. Don't say I didn't warn you. You can glide along safely or spend the weekend icing your bum. You choose.
5. A really important purpose.
Let's face it. If you're going to leave your home during what's expected to be a pretty nasty storm, you better have a really good reason. There needs to be a pot of gold the size of the Powerball jackpot at the end of your journey or it just isn't worth it. Treacherous sidewalks, train delays, unexpected closures. This weather isn't something to play around with. Make sure it's worth your time and tremendous effort.