Uptown Bourgeois is an art space for the creative works of freelance writer, editor, author, and content creator Jefferey Spivey.

Nice Coat, Bro: The 7 Deadly Sins Of Instagram

Love it or hate it, Instagram is the way of the world.  It’s one of the first apps we check when we wake in the morning and one of the last we see before we sleep.  It’s hard to believe that our societal photo addiction didn’t exist before 2010.  But with any new app or technology comes a new code of etiquette to be followed.  Though the Interwebz is like the wild wild West, there are some common courtesies that we should all abide by.  As I get more and more involved in social media, I am often on the receiving end of some awkward interactions.  Most people probably don’t know when they’re being obnoxious on IG, but there are some pretty clear boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.  Don’t be one of those people who dares to break the 7 deadly sins of Instagram.

1.     Don’t call other guys buddy, bro, dude, or any other fratspeak nickname.

I get it.  You want to comment on another guy’s outfit, but you don’t want to send the wrong message.  So you tack a bro or a buddy onto the end of the sentence to let everyone know you’re just interested in the outfit and not the guy.  But it makes you sound like a douchebag, and p.s. no one really cares if you like me or not. It’s 2016. 

2. Don't ask for help starting your modeling career.

Come on, man! This is the comments section of my new post.  It’s not LinkedIn!  This is all about me.  And you will not be discovered on Instagram with your dark, blurry, amateur selfies anyway.  Stop asking for handouts and start saving for your first real photoshoot.

3. Don't DM people pictures of you in your underwear.

Just don’t do this.  Would you walk up to a guy at Starbucks with nothing on but underwear? Probably not.  So I’m not sure why it’s acceptable to send such an intimate (and often unflattering) photo of yourself to a complete stranger without even having a conversation.  And speaking of conversations…

4. Don't assume someone wants to have a private conversation because they've liked your pics.

Liking your pics means…liking your pics.  I sure hope that liking a bunch of someone’s pics isn’t code for wanting to sleep with them.  If so, my DM inbox is going to be as crowded as a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.

5. Don't promote your business in my comments.

It’s really sweet of you to let me know your new mixtape is out. But it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that I post. Isn’t that what your page is for? 

6. Don’t leave negative comments

If you don’t like a TV show, you don’t email the network execs to let them know why the show sucks.  You just turn the channel.  If you don’t like a pic that I post, just keep on scrolling.  I don’t have Twitter fingers. I will not engage you in battle.  I will just block you.

7. And finally, don't make sexual advances in my comments.

Quite often on Instagram, I share photos of me with my fiancé. Who’s also on Instagram.  So please don’t comment “Sexy” or “Hot” or with the little emoji with the heart eyes.  Unless you know both of us.  Then that’s okay.  Because you'd be joking and not for real like the creeps on IG.

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