I don't know about you but I'm sick of this election. I never had any desire to watch The Purge: Election Year, but it seems like it's unavoidable.
I miss the days when no one cared about politics. When people were satisfied with posting Facebook photos of their kids, cats and steak dinners. Now, everyone I know has turned into a rogue reporter and fact checker.
Can't we just go back to the days when gym selfies weren't captioned with quotes from WikiLeaks?
No digital space is safe. On Facebook, everyone is threatening to unfriend people who don't agree with them. Or even worse, they're getting roped into pissing contests about which candidate is more corrupt. On Twitter, you'll get trolled if your viewpoint gets retweeted into the wrong timeline. Even LinkedIn, the once-professional network, is fair game for political memes and article shares.
The lead story on every news program and website is the election. And if you think you can escape by logging off, think again. Because your mom, best friend and spouse will probably text you about the latest scandal. There is no true means of escapism. We are all trapped in D.C.'s labyrinth and the only way out is 24 painful hours of unnecessarily detailed news coverage on Nov. 8.
I get the feeling that Tuesday night is going to be more gruesome than American Horror Story: Roanoke. If you've watched the last two episodes, you know Decision 2016 has some steep competition.
My election fatigue doesn't stem from nonchalance. I'm far from becoming an apathetic millennial. In fact, I'm quite the opposite-riddled with anxiety about which candidate will reign victor of Fear Factor-Apocalypse Edition. I just don't want to talk about politics every day or every hour or every time I touch my phone. The public obsession with this election is not normal. We're all kind of acting like crazed exes that just have to have the last word.
I don't care who you support or why. I don't care if you disagree with me. I don't care if you're deleting people who argue with you. And I especially don't appreciate you sharing hundreds of fake news articles from sites no one has ever heard of.
I never thought I'd say this but I actually want to see what you ate for dinner. I'd love to see your Transformation Tuesday collage. Hell, I'll even appreciate a status that has nothing more than a period. Anything to pull the focus away from this goddamn election.
At this point, I'm ready to make Frank Underwood president and call it a day. Who's with me?